It is another Friday in my life and as I left work, I had a hop in my step. I have found even on Friday mornings that I am excited once again for the end of the week. I take this as a very good sign in the life of ME! It isn't that I have that much planned, but more I am ready for the end of the week, a rest, a break from my daily grind. I know, that many of you out there GET THIS.
The countdown continues as I closed the pool down tonight after work for another year. YES - YEAR 2 it all was easier. I am getting into my groove as they say. I don't like it! And, in an instant would have my life back as it was - BUT - so, I continue on. The pool equipment is tucked safely away, the pool cover is on, including a new netting I purchased to 'catch all of the leaves this fall'. Now, lets see if my $90 purchase pays off! I really don't want to scoop rotten old leaves off of the pool cover one more spring.
The high school football game is in progress. I can hear it out my open window. Wow..so many memories of years gone by. I remember when we first moved to Wisconsin, wanting to feel like part of the community and that we went to a highschool football game in Ellsworth, the school district we were part of then. I thought about that night - tonight. How we didn't know very many people, but we went as a family. Sometimes he or I would come up with an idea of something to do, and we would just do it. The other one might just go along with the idea without complaining, even thought my/his heart wasn't there. As we moved to River Falls and all of the highschool games are played at the university football field in our backyard - we first began to just watch parts of the game from our backyard. As the kids became involved in school and in band, we then were active participants.
Always though, Friday nights were fun. The kids were always revved up. Overnights were in progress especially with Abby and her girlfriends. So, many times we had a houseful of kids. A movie might be rented or bought and or food ordered or out to eat somewhere. It signaled the end, celebration of another work week for the Tokheims.
The football season is in full swing. Last weekend, Lance reminded me of that. He was watch the Iowa game on television. As he brought up the subject, I was shocked at how far I felt I had come. Last year, the first game of the season, I had to go to with Ty. I had to sit where Bruce had sat, wanting to be closer to him in some odd way. But now this year, one year later it all seems quite normal for me again. When Bruce was alive, he was sooo absorbed in the sports scene, I just let him be that way. He of course loved that I didn't give him any flack about it. Many a Saturday, he lounged downstairs soaking in his sports while I went about my daily routines, cleaning, nursing jobs, shopping, classes I took - we just went our seperate ways sometimes, especially on Saturdays.
I got to babysit with Avery on Monday. She had a cold over the weekend with a bit of mattery eyes. This mattery eye condition is the bane of a daycare. They absolutely don't want a child in daycare with it. I loved having her here. She is just such a little cutie bug! Avel Bug we call her. She is 19# of pure love! She has a smile that will melt your heart. She is learning to say things, like mama, dada, babee, she points to objects and does this cute little oooohhhh whistle with her mouth. And, most importantly - she knows now when she is doing something wrong! Dropping her cup over the side of the highchair - she will immediately look for my response. Pulling the safety cap out of an outlet, she looks at me and make a noise as she shows me what she has just done. Amazing! This little brain of a child that we sometimes so often take for granted in life. We talk about Grandpa Tokheim to her. I look forward to the day when she is older and really wants to know about him, when she say to me, Grandma, where is Grandpa Bruce? That will be "so cool" - the same as Bruce's words as he felt Wendy's stomach the day he died.
I went to the play,
Tuesday's with Morrieon Wednesday. My friend, Diane, another widow and I went. We knew what it was about. We were ready and prepared for the end, except for a kleenex. If you haven't read the book, if you haven't seen the movie, or the play - please do so. The message that life goes on because we loved someone so much - helps those left here alone, it helps me, it helps Diane deal with our lives as we live them today without the ones we loved.
The 7th Anniversary of 9/11 was Thursday. I emailed Ty, as it was the day he began to work for his dad. I couldn't help but remember that day so vividly, like so many in my life. Ty wrote me back. I read his email while I was at work. I teared up but I didn't cry. He said,
dad would be proud of all of the accomplishments his kids had made in the time that he had been gone. He also said,
what a risk dad took 7 years ago in hiring him.Ty is trying to hire someone and now really realizes what it takes to do that. He said,
'dad just had such limited resources 7 years ago. He had a computer, some companies and a checkbook - yet he hired me! - but then he lived in the moment! 'How true!
This week my parents celebrated their 61st Anniversary. NOW - that is LOVE!
I had the distinct pleasure of spending moments with them a few weeks ago. Dad went to Rochester (in his right mind) and had a cardiovascular consultation done. It was a very positive experience. They were able to roto-rooter out a very calcified nearly blocked cardiac artery and put in a stint in this 83 year old die-hard! We were all nervous if the results would be in our favor. He is now back home, doing what he loves to do, mowing lawn, driving somewhere in his pickup and getting tired from 'working'. Mom of course is nervous again. He seems to have too much energy and worries more when she can't keep her eye on him. Whatever happens to him, he has lived a good and long life. He had the opportunity to tell mom this over and over again while we were in Rochester. Their love is what always I aspired to have with Bruce. I did. Just not for as many years.
And...dad got disoriented again in the hosptital. We were able to get him discharged home a little earlier than expected. And again - he is himself.
Well, since my last entry, I have seen MAMA MIA 4 more times! I am crazy. what can I say? And, even better - for Halloween - you guessed it - I am going to be - one of them - now guess just what one I will be?
Fondly and always,
Deb...
