I knew it would come and go just like that and it did. I tried to savor the moments, the conversations, the hugs, the smiles and all of the love that was part of that weekend.
The Wedding of Lance and Shayna is now in the past. But, never will many of the memories be far away. The good news included, great weather, fantastic fall colors, over 250 guests, and so many many friends and family who stood by me and my family, supporting, caring and loving all of us. It truly became a community event. As friends recently said about the day, "it just felt so full of love"
First of all, know that Lance and Shayna are not of the mold of what you think a wedding in 2008 should be like. The outdoor setting, beyond church walls was intentional. As Shayna said, "what more does one need beside being in nature to know that our creator is in charge?" Their non-traditional theme included cost as well. Their practical nature is proof positive that a wedding can be beautiful and classy without taking out a second mortgage. Their day was how they envisioned to begin their life together. I honor their beliefs. It centers around the RIGHT STUFF - that is LOVE.
The lone old oak tree stood in the middle of this vast lawn. Fall had done it's magic on it's leaves. Golden Brown to Muted Rusts, weathered and drying, a few of the branches bare... a few leaves falling ever so randomly, but yet, the tree stood tall, like an old friend full of wisdom, it loomed over the crowd of 250 on a sunny windy Saturday in October. Under it's branches a garden arch had been erected and decorated with grasses,weeds and artificial flowers. Surrounded by pots of yellow mums, this was the stage for the beginning of a life of love for two.
The attendants ... Shayna's three sisters and her childhood girlfriend wore Cognac - this cinnamon color matched the leaves on the old oak tree. Orange, yellow and ivory roses were the icing they carried. Our friend, Marcia played a song that Lance and Shayna had selected, Haylee, one of Shayna's sister's sang the beautiful but simple six minute long slow melodic song, "To Build a Home" by the Cinematic Orchestra. As Haylee continued to sing, a horse pulling a carriage trotted into the drive with Shayna and her dad in the back. Soon Shayna and her father were making their way down the aisle of grass. They wrote their own vows and promised their love to one another. Ty accompanied Haylee on his guitar to one of our favorite Beatle's tunes, "In My Life". Shayna's brother officiated this simple ceremony of LOVE.
The Stables barn at Voyager Village had been turned into a reception hall. Shayna's family including her grandparents and aunts provided delicious home grown garden food. Catered and served, it included home canned green beans, frozen sweet corn, roasted turkey and roast beef. Homemade dill pickles and bread n butter pickles were the extra touch to this wonderful meal.
Lance's dear friend Romaine whom he had worked with for years at the Sears store in town made an elegant and delicious wedding cake for them, the top tier tied with a bow. And, friends and family volunteered to put together an Appetizer and Dessert Bar. Wine was drunk, the kegs were tapped and the songs were spun.
On Friday night, we ordered Pizzas for the grooms dinner and tapped the keg and began to open a few bottles of wine. Family members and friends of Lance and Shayna pitched in to hang lights, table skirts, steam table clothes and decorate. Laughter was everywhere. Then, three of my friends went with me over to Randy and Karen's home to get a lesson from Wendy, my daughter-in-law (a horticulture major) on corsage and boutonniere making.
I had this crazy idea to make two Fall looking scarecrows - a Mr Groom and Mrs Bride. ...First, I had climbed up into my little crawlspace in search of my own wedding gown that was homemade 35 years ago. I made a garter for her leg, and found Bruce's old leather blazer from the 70's. I filled up two pair of pantyhose for the legs with stuffing, used a wooden hanger and a pillow stuffed into the bodies ...then with the help of my good friends, Marcia, Christy, Sandra and sister-in-law Shirley - we created these characters on the morning of the wedding. It was a fun diversion and will be a good memory as I insisted - the bride "look like she had boobs" and these friends took me seriously and even enhanced her with "DD." - ie double dixie cups! They even went on a "field trip" in search of leaves to make an oak-leaf-wreath for her head'.
Yes, Bruce was missed. Remembrances and toasts were made to his memory. A few tears escaped many a family member's eyes.
Yesterday as I viewed the link to their photos, love did look like it was shining down from the heavens. Yes, it was probably just the sun shining through the fusion of orange, yellow and brown trees that reflected off of Lance's beautiful red hair. But, well, maybe it could have been Bruce's spirit that felt so present that day!
See for yourself! http://eslockphoto.com/proofs/tokheim/
With Loving thoughts on November 1, 2008
Deb
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Uphill, Makeovers & Memories
The titles of these conversations with myself sometimes are words that seem to linger somewhere deep inside of me for moments into days. Yes, I have been itching to write, yet, there is a time and place for everything and so as it seems, this must be the time and place.
Work tends to take it's toll on me most days. Sitting in front of a computer screen for hours is now my work. Therefore, when I come home - it just isn't that appealing. Tonight tho, seems different. It is just a little after 8pm, I have just returned home from eating at one our local bars with 5 friends who are in my same boat! It was taco night! 2 Tacos, 2 beers and $6 later, I am sated and relaxed.
It is a new month. And, in 17 days, we are having a wedding in the family. My baby is getting married. It has been fun to be part of some of the planning. I ask Shayna - my soon to be daughter-in-law, "what can I do?" "give me a job". I have felt like I am twiddle-ing my thumbs. But, God bless her, she has given me jobs to do and is allowing me some free rein on certain little projects. It is good therapy for me.
I haven't allowed myself to spend much time thinking about the exact day and how it will all go, by myself at the mother of the groom. Not yet anyway. Even after 20 months, sad moments hit me - and I still miss him, my Bruce!
Memories do seem to sweep over me and sometimes I feel like I have been knocked over. I was in the car driving somewhere when one of these moments with him hit me. It was as if some force knocked my head back against the headrest and took my breath away as a memory flooded back into consciousness. Momentarily, I might feel sad, or laugh, or grimace or just blankly stare, as time passes over me.
In getting ready for the wedding, I have become more earnest at trying to improve my appearance! The firming of certain body parts would be very beneficial for my health as well. As hard as I try to eat less and do a little bit of walking - not much seems to change. About 6 weeks ago - when I found out we were having a wedding and I was going to be the mother of the Groom, I began to walk over my lunch hour in a nice little park down by the river in Red Wing. Around and around the sidewalks I would walk. I was quite bored, except for the ducks in the water and perhaps a child in the park. I was hoping for miracles after the first week of walking!
One of my co-workers is an avid biker and walker. She would go do the 'hill' behind the clinic on her lunch hour. I had tried it in the early spring, but thought it was too difficult and came up with an excuse not to do it, labeling it an 'unsafe area'. But, one day, she invited me to do the hill with her. It was invigorating to say the least. I felt the BURN! This has become Deb's extreme makeover measures! Now if Bruce were still alive, he would certainly be laughing hysterically at my attempts to firm up this fifty-something body overnight, ok, lets just say it, ASS! He would of course be very complimentary in a way a husband would always be! ... (dot, dot, dot!!)
To go on then, this hill at first was a bit foreboding. It is behind the hospital and is actually a gravel road that goes down into an undeveloped section of town. It is quiet, away from traffic and I am only accompanied perhaps by an eagle that soars overhead or perhaps a butterfly and, yes - grasshoppers as they are hopping to and fro. I have made myself do this hill almost every day I work in the past two weeks.
As I walk up this hill, my breathing becomes shorter and faster, until I am panting. Always, Bruce comes to mind, his breathing and how much he endured! I keep my eyes focused on the gravel during this steepest climb eagerly waiting to get to the leveled top ahead. Pushing onward, I feel the burn as my leg muscles begin to get an honest to goodness workout. I really can't tell much difference yet, but for some reason... the hill is calling me back. This huffing and puffing exercise has cleared out some cobwebs - and it has gotten me outside, in the fresh air - with nature, where I feel part of God's great earth.
Memories - how does something become a memory? In a book I am reading right now, the author explains how everything we see, feel, touch, do , act on - is imprinted in the part of ourselves we call a memory. If you were to look at a person, and then close your eyes and just think about what that person looks like, you have already captured their memory - we can then conjure up that same image later on. This revealing thought has given me much to ponder on. I have years and years of memories of Bruce and I together. Hearing his laugh, seeing how his eyes danced when he was acting childlike, watching him walk, shrug his shoulders, all of these and more will always be there . There is no where else to find Bruce, but in my memories. And, for me, this is comforting tonight. Just a little food for thought.
Tomorrow - yes, the hill beckons!
Work tends to take it's toll on me most days. Sitting in front of a computer screen for hours is now my work. Therefore, when I come home - it just isn't that appealing. Tonight tho, seems different. It is just a little after 8pm, I have just returned home from eating at one our local bars with 5 friends who are in my same boat! It was taco night! 2 Tacos, 2 beers and $6 later, I am sated and relaxed.
It is a new month. And, in 17 days, we are having a wedding in the family. My baby is getting married. It has been fun to be part of some of the planning. I ask Shayna - my soon to be daughter-in-law, "what can I do?" "give me a job". I have felt like I am twiddle-ing my thumbs. But, God bless her, she has given me jobs to do and is allowing me some free rein on certain little projects. It is good therapy for me.
I haven't allowed myself to spend much time thinking about the exact day and how it will all go, by myself at the mother of the groom. Not yet anyway. Even after 20 months, sad moments hit me - and I still miss him, my Bruce!
Memories do seem to sweep over me and sometimes I feel like I have been knocked over. I was in the car driving somewhere when one of these moments with him hit me. It was as if some force knocked my head back against the headrest and took my breath away as a memory flooded back into consciousness. Momentarily, I might feel sad, or laugh, or grimace or just blankly stare, as time passes over me.
In getting ready for the wedding, I have become more earnest at trying to improve my appearance! The firming of certain body parts would be very beneficial for my health as well. As hard as I try to eat less and do a little bit of walking - not much seems to change. About 6 weeks ago - when I found out we were having a wedding and I was going to be the mother of the Groom, I began to walk over my lunch hour in a nice little park down by the river in Red Wing. Around and around the sidewalks I would walk. I was quite bored, except for the ducks in the water and perhaps a child in the park. I was hoping for miracles after the first week of walking!
One of my co-workers is an avid biker and walker. She would go do the 'hill' behind the clinic on her lunch hour. I had tried it in the early spring, but thought it was too difficult and came up with an excuse not to do it, labeling it an 'unsafe area'. But, one day, she invited me to do the hill with her. It was invigorating to say the least. I felt the BURN! This has become Deb's extreme makeover measures! Now if Bruce were still alive, he would certainly be laughing hysterically at my attempts to firm up this fifty-something body overnight, ok, lets just say it, ASS! He would of course be very complimentary in a way a husband would always be! ... (dot, dot, dot!!)
To go on then, this hill at first was a bit foreboding. It is behind the hospital and is actually a gravel road that goes down into an undeveloped section of town. It is quiet, away from traffic and I am only accompanied perhaps by an eagle that soars overhead or perhaps a butterfly and, yes - grasshoppers as they are hopping to and fro. I have made myself do this hill almost every day I work in the past two weeks.
As I walk up this hill, my breathing becomes shorter and faster, until I am panting. Always, Bruce comes to mind, his breathing and how much he endured! I keep my eyes focused on the gravel during this steepest climb eagerly waiting to get to the leveled top ahead. Pushing onward, I feel the burn as my leg muscles begin to get an honest to goodness workout. I really can't tell much difference yet, but for some reason... the hill is calling me back. This huffing and puffing exercise has cleared out some cobwebs - and it has gotten me outside, in the fresh air - with nature, where I feel part of God's great earth.
Memories - how does something become a memory? In a book I am reading right now, the author explains how everything we see, feel, touch, do , act on - is imprinted in the part of ourselves we call a memory. If you were to look at a person, and then close your eyes and just think about what that person looks like, you have already captured their memory - we can then conjure up that same image later on. This revealing thought has given me much to ponder on. I have years and years of memories of Bruce and I together. Hearing his laugh, seeing how his eyes danced when he was acting childlike, watching him walk, shrug his shoulders, all of these and more will always be there . There is no where else to find Bruce, but in my memories. And, for me, this is comforting tonight. Just a little food for thought.
Tomorrow - yes, the hill beckons!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)