Maybe this seems so on the front of my thoughts today because I passed time channel-flipping last night to a program called CLEAN HOUSE - which in essence is about people who have lost control of the contents inside of their home and have put out an SOS! And, a television show has been created to watch these people get help cleaning out the mess they have created. Inside this home, were piles of clothing, blankets, bedding, books, computers, etc..you name it - it was there. The lady evidently has a shopping problem and can not pass up a good deal.
First off, I am not here to judge how others live or keep their home. But, the irony of all of this is that in the past three weeks, I have mentioned a book to people - three times that is - titled,
Repacking your Bagswith the subtitle being Lighten your Load for the Rest of your Life . I was given this book by my brother-in-law, Joel in 1996 to read. It was a turning point in his life and in mine. For me, I was beginning a new career. I read it in a flash and memorized the quote that became a sustaining force in my life. It was the definition of What is the Good Life? the authors of this book defined it as, "Living in the place you belong, with the people you love, doing the right work on purpose". It was simple, yet so profound and offered me a platform on which to live and build my life as I left my nursing career and went into uncharted waters of sales and management.
I have never forgotten this book or that quote and I truly felt at the time I was living the good life! Even when my business wasn't exactly flourishing or 'successful' in the monetary end, I believed my life was about more than how much money I brought in. Perhaps I was justifying my circumstances at the time. But, in reality - I loved what I did, I loved our life, and I tried to enhance the lives of others daily. Well, I have again been thinking about this quote. Or, IT - has been popping into my consciousness a lot lately! Over, Christmas, I shared this quote with my nephew - who is an adventurer and seeker of seeing what lies beyond his backyard. As I shared the quote with him, he sat up straighter, and I could tell he was engaged. He wanted the title of the book. Then a one week later, I was visiting on the phone with a good friend. Our conversations always entail the usual -"how are you?"-stuff, but - she and I truly go deeper - sharing our happiness, our unhappiness, our frustrations, our sense of angst that seems to cause ripples of unease. She is one of my best prayer buddies. Her faith is strong and deep, she is a true servant of God. We are as different as night and day in many respects! She thinks in black and white, I think in gray. She is structured, I am unstructured. She doesn't feel she has an ounce of creativity and I seem to live in the world of make believe~ but we both feel that GOD placed us on the same path - to nudge one another, support each other and be there to lift, support and love one another. So...it was during our most recent conversation - that she shared this unsureness and signal for guidance again in her life. I brought up this book and it's quote and the title. She too, listened, asked about it more and planned to go find it.
And, now again - for the third time - yesterday, with my group of Widows who share the same life-raft I am on - I felt the nudging to discuss this book. Beyond the "good life" quote, it really is about LETTING GO! Letting go of stuff that keeps us from doing, but most importantly about letting us from being who we are truly meant to be. As I am rereading this book, it is uplifting me - out of Christmas - into the Epiphany of revealing what is to be; along with the clear cold nights, the stars that seem to shine so bright, the sharp cold air that I breathe in; all of this has helped me clear my thoughts and see! Maybe it is because of where I am at. It will soon be two years since Bruce died.
Lately, I have been doing some rereading of my original caringbridge writings. You see, I have been composing words and pictures in a book format since February 2007. It is nearly finished. For months, I wasn't able to work on it. I couldn't think clearly about it, but recently - since Christmas, since the declutter, since the cold snap and since revisiting this quote - I have felt a thought-stream happening in my head. This book I have titled Seasons of Love and it entails our ordeal, the year before and the year after Bruce died. I am making copies for my family members. I am very excited about it and can't wait to complete it. My goal is February 3, 2009! With the finishing up of this book, I believe I am letting go and moving forward in my life. I don't see this as letting go of Bruce nor of his memory. I know our love was real and have all of the memories to prove it. Rather, I am letting go of the things that have kept me stuck - that have held me back - I do feel stronger than ever before. But, in saying that - I am going to be cautious! I believe that serendipity is all around us. It just happens - but in those moments when we falter or life craps on us - we are to just look up and say, "yes - ok, I don't understand, but I know that I will be just that - OK!"
Well, again my thoughts, as clear as they can be on a January night in 2009 on the GOOD LIFE, De-cluttering and Letting Go! And, please don't waste a second watching that television show!
