Creeping into March

I find myself spending more minutes that move into hours on words and meaning and trying to figure out what LIFE IS ALL ABOUT through these odd thoughts that creep into my conscious. Does everyone do this? OR..... am I really really odd and just admit it? You .... out there ..... beyond the keyboard?

Well, whatever the case! Here goes! from Creeping into March

March has arrived, cold, white, and let's now just get to the end of this month.
Our baby, our Lance, was born on March 1. It happened on his due date! That was early for a change, the other two had been beyond their due date. I worked that evening at the local hosptial, deciding at the last minute to pick up the Sunday shift, since I figured I would be late with this one too. I remember being very busy and having 10+patients that night. Something that is unheard of today. Many patients wanting all sorts of extra TLC ....the stuff nursing was made of back in 1982! I remember washing a woman's hair, and giving all of these backrubs. I remember my own back aching and my large, no - VERY LARGE BELLY - contracting. And, only as I sat down to chart at 10:30 pm, did it dawn on me, that I could not concentrate. I then realized I was in labor. I went home, took a bath hoping to relax, and get some sleep. I was beat! Bruce was in dream land. I couldn't sleep. I woke him up at 2am, we left for the hospital. My good friend Christy, the same one who came to care for Bruce, came to care for our children that night. That is call the "circle of life"! Well, Lance was born at 5:08am the next morning. He came out crying, his beautiful carrot red hair and cute little sweet face immediatly melted my heart! He still charms me 26 years later. This memory of his birth - our last child is a good one. AS Bruce would have said, "he's a keeper".
And, that rhymes with Creeper.

My new little one in my life - celebrated 9 months on this earth this month. And with that, the ability to CREEP. Not crawl, but the army method of creeping low to the ground! What fun it has been to watch Avery Joy creep! Saturday evening, we spent more minutes than all of us will admit just watching her! What fun these first babies are to their families. Not only can she creep, but she stand proud! O.k. yes, she is up next to something, but loves every minute doing it. She is little, but she is mighty! I just wonder who she takes after???
Could it be her mom?

I am counting down these days in March. I am marking time, standing still marching as we did in band so many years ago. Waiting for this month to move...into Spring. I am tired of the snow, I am tired of shoveling my drive. I am tired of being half cold all of the time. I am tired of a dirty car. Just how did our ancestors do it? What made them want to move to this COLD CLIMATE? I give them praise for their hearty souls. But, were they thinking??

As March arrived, I felt myself relieved that FEBRUARY was once again over. The relief that I feel is like a weight off of my shoulders. The dread of moments, of memories and what seems like a lifetime ago. My brother, the widower of 11 years told me, "it takes about 13-14 months". He asked me today, do I feel better? Yes, I do. Will it last? I don't know. But for now, I am better.

My salvation still rests in my quiet private moments mostly in my car. A fantastic sunrise surprised me one morning. Out of my doom and gloom existance rose the morning light. As it rose to the east, the clouds broke above and below the sun. This thin line of clouds that ran horizontally to the earth for miles and miles stood still as the morning rays burst up and sprayed the earth below with golden light. It looked like a cross, no an ANGEL, it looked like how I wanted it to look. I just believe it was meant only for me. That moment was a gift from Heaven. God knows me very well, Bruce knows me very well. They know what will trip my trigger. In some moments of March, my life feels good. It fills with meaning and purpose and rightness.

All of this nonsensical talk isn't black and white, it is so gray. Yet, it isn't rocket science. It just is. Just as the moon is, the eclipse was. What must our ancestors have thought? Way back before science, before internet, before newspapers, before understanding? I believe they thought much like me. Something much grander and bigger than lil ole me is in charge. Perhaps they too, were given a gift of a morning sunrise that brought them to tears. That is what they saw, that is what drew them to their somewhere. That thought will keep me marching on.