Blessings in Disquise - Go Hawks

One day this week, I woke with a start to the words, "Blessing in Disquise" in my head. It was the answer I was looking for. This past week had been a combination of highs and lows. The highs being the celebration of my parent's anniversary and all of the hoopla that that event involved. The low included my stubborn decision to leave the baby case I worked so hard to get initiated this spring. Back in the spring, I felt the entire process was a "God-Thing". I really didn't work that hard at finding all of the nurses who eventually helped us get this baby home. Some stayed and some left through the summer as he has grown and his parents have adjusted to caring for him themselves. Adjusting to having people in their home has been more difficult. Adjusting to having nurses care for their baby also was more difficult. And, that became the issue. It was a long 8 hours one spent doing nothing while the mom scurried to do everything before the nurse could do it. After a few discussions with the parents, I saw that this wasn't going to change and that I needed to gracefully as possible leave this case. Since I am not a quitter and can put up a good fight to the bitter end. (Yes, I once told Bruce, "if I had to I would fly a 747 - or at least give it a good try!") I found myself doing that. Lessons even at age 54 continue to be learned, even when one feels they are in the right, know more and could be of service! Being told by these parents, they no longer needed my services was a hard pill to swallow, yet - I am a big girl, (have my big-girl pants on) and have found myself adjusting to their words. So, the answer I received at 4am was a soothing balm. There is something else I am needed for. And, in essence, I had accomplished what I had set out to do. That was, to get this baby home with his mom and dad.

So, what else am I supposed to be doing? That is a very big question. But, some of the things are surfacing.
BLESSING IIn August, another woman I do not know lost her husband. Two of my co-horts (women who have also lost their husbands) knew her and promptly informed me. Her husband died of a heart attack at home in her presence. One of the things that feels good for me to do, is to send a card that I found comforting - to other women who have lost their mates. So, off in the mail I sent this card to this woman I don't know with a little note, telling her I know what she is going through and if there was anything I could do for her to call me. I included my phone number. Last Friday when I got home from work, there was a message from her. Her words were interrupted with tears of grief, my heart went out to her and I immediately called her. She since has called me one more time and yesterday, she came for coffee. With little baby Avery tucked under my arm, as we locked eyes for the first time, we wrapped our arms around one another tightly and held on. We are both in this boat of grief on a sea of wild up and down waves. I, being there just a little longer know what she is in for. We talked and cried for three hours straight. She too, like me and many others in the boat, has lost her soul mate, her lover, her best friend, her confindante, her other-half. Her everything! At least that is what it feels like now. She is trying to figure out this grief thing, heal herself and wants to get through this time. She is doing it right. She reached out to someone else. And, I am so thankful that I was and will be here for her. She said, "I want to do one day what you did for me!" WOW...what powerful words those were to hear.

BLESSING II Being availble a little more to help care for my granddaughter is an absolute gift. I love babies! So, until November 15 - I can help a little more caring for her when I am not caring for Matt. I love watching the minute little changes that are occuring in Avery. She is such a little wild-girl already. She never sits still, wants to be in the know - so it is so fun to watch her little personality developing.

BLESSING III Several years ago in one of the many workshops I went to with Weekenders. There was one on purposefull living. What was my purpose? What was the driver inside of me? It was a good time to reflect on strengths and weaknesses. We were to come up with a statement of purpose. Our mantra that defined who were were and how we operated. Mine seemed simple at the time. It was "TO HELP OTHERS HAVE A BETTER DAY" A book I had read called "Repacking your Bags" had a quote that kept me centered then and now, it defined THE GOOD LIFE as Living in the place you belong with the people you love, doing the right work on purpose! Memorizing verses and quotes has never been my forte', but that quote continues to be at the top.

BLESSINGS IV Yesterday when my new friend and I were visiting, we decided that the QUALITY of our relationships with our husbands was like Cream...it was the best.. Cream rises to the top of milk. The QUANTITY is little, but the QUALITY is superb!
That will continue always to be a blessing for me. My time with Bruce and our family, the way it was - memories never die, they live on. My childhood memories, all of the memories with my parents and fmaily will always live on as well!


BLESSINGS V Today is the first home game for the Iowa Hawks - When we took our son, Lance down to orientation his freshman year, they talked about 'BLEEDING BLACK & GOLD' - the fans are die-hards. Bruce was a die-hard Iowa Hawkeye fan. He lived, ate and breathed sports daily. He taught our sons to do the same. Ty got the full brunt of Bruce's love of sports being the first born son. Going to games together just he and Bruce in the beginning has left deep memories for Ty. He asked me a few weeks ago what I was doing on the 8th of September. I was scheduled to work with Matt today. So last week, I checked with another nurse to see if she would work or trade with me and she said YES! I was thrilled to think that first, Ty had asked me to go with him and second, that I actually could. So, today at noon, we will leave RF for the 5 hour drive to Iowa City. The game in an evening game, then we will drive an hour to my folks, crash for the night and come back tomorrow morning. I hope the day is filled with all things good. Yes, sadness and tears may spill out. The guys who sat next to the boys all last year don't even know about Bruce. I have pulled out Bruce bright yellow-gold GO Hawks shirt to wear to the game. Ty can give me a PRIMER on the trip down ... it will be a good day with my son. And that is how I will end this blog. GO HAWKS - WIN

Blessings to you and yours. Deb