Number Seven

Today, tonight marks the 7th Month date of Bruce's death. Tired evades me this evening. Oh...I did doze a minute in front of the television, but woke about 10:30pm. Since then, I have folded some clothes, sent off a few emails and now will write before putting my head on my pillow. Actually ~ the day went well. It is Labor Day. Every Labor Day for many years, Bruce would be getting ready and leaving by 1 pm to head up north somewhere to meet up with the guys to go golfing. All of his Insurance buddies that he had such fun with. He would be gone for two nights, returning on Wednesday. Over the years, I did get used to him leaving on this Holiday in the middle of the day. I would usually find some project to do. Last year, I was refinishing our old dining room table. An heirloom from Bruce's folks.
And then, when he returned last year from his golf outing, he complained about his lower leg and ankle. It was red, warm and streaking up his leg. I knew he had a blood clot. He went to the Dr., and ultrasound was done. He thought maybe he had bumped it on the golf cart. But ~ now we know, this was the start of his cancer metastasis symptoms. He went on a daily dose of Aspirin and the redness went away, he never complained about his legs hurting again. His mom had gotten blood clots in her legs, so I just figured he was going to suffer from them too. Being not in the best of shape and then driving with his legs dependent, I could see where he could have developed one.

Looking back now, he had been in the hospital in TEXAS just SEVEN months prior to Labor Day last year. For something unrelated or was it now? That is on my list of things to do; to get his records from that visit. He told me a chest x-ray had been taken. I wonder if there might have been evidence of his cancer that might have been overlooked?

A family of SEVEN celebrated a very special occasion this weekend. My parents will be officially married SIXTY years on 9-9-2007. But, because of the long weekend and attempting to get all five of their children home and all of our children there - we chose to take advantage of the extra day. Of the 16 grandchildrer, all were able to make it except for one, who just started her freshman year at UNLV. All 11 Great Grandchildren were present. A good old fashioned family picnic was held! Followed by an OPEN HOUSE for about 75 of mom and dad's closest friends. The weather cooperated and it was such fun to see so many close family friends and relatives. One of my very best girlfriends when I was growing up just happened to be coming back to be with her mom. I had found out on Saturday, so quickly invited her to come to the Open House so that I could see her. It was wonderful visiting if only for a short time with this girlhood friend. We rode bikes, played on Saturdays, and sat in the same seat on school bus number 7 for almost every day of our school years! I plan to go visit her this Fall. She lives in the Washington DC area.

Today, when I was up to the store to pick up a few groceries, I noticed this couple. I was behind them through most of the aisles and we ended up in the same check out lane. What drew them to me, was our age. They appeared to be in my age category. I couldn't help but watch their interactions throughout the store. Much like Bruce and I would do when we went shopping together. As they were getting their groceries bagged the checker asked if they wanted to drive up for their groceries. The wife so, "No, I have him to do that for me!" With her chuckle and the checker's laugh, it was just a moment that seemed so unfair. Here I was right behind them, with my few groceries that I could certainly handle by myself. Her lighthearted remark was meant only at that, yet it left such an imprint in my ear. I smiled... they went on their way and I did the same. Missing my "him".

The past SEVEN DAYS have been good. I have handled what life has thrown me with a bit of maturity. I sold Bruce's car and handled the transaction with only a few tears. I have taken more of his clothes to our local thrift store. I am accepting my lot in life this week. On this upcoming Saturday, I am going with Ty to the first home game of the Iowa Hawkeyes. I went with Bruce to the last game he saw his beloved team play.I feel it is meant to be that I go with our son to the first game of the new season.

I lost one of my diamond earrings a few weeks ago. I just happened to notice it wasn't in my ear. They weren't the pair Bruce had given me, but I still liked them and wore this pair a lot. I was disappointed but had decided it was probably impossible to find. I had lost my wedding ring one summer year ago when the kids were in grade school. Taking it off of my finger to put on a pair of pantyhose one morning, I had left it on my bed. The kids had a day off from school and had been in and out of our bedroom watching t.v. all day. I realized that evening at a meeting that it wasn't on my finger. It was later in the week that I had time to look for it. With hardwood floors in our bedroom, I thought it would be under the bed. I swept, I looked, I kept looking wondering where it could have been. I asked Bruce if he had vacumned and he had. Our vacumn cleaner at the time was a Rainbow. You filled up the bottom with clean water, then you set about to vacumn and when you were done, it was dirty muddy water! I always felt like I had really cleaned when I would dump out that water. Well, I went out side and searched through the areas where we would dump this muck. This time of year, while I was gone one Saturday, Bruce and Abby were digging carrots, turning over dirt and guess what they found? Yes, my ring. I was so ecstatic! Bruce had an eye for finding things. So...today, while I was vacumning up downstairs, guess what I found? Yes! My earring. It was on the steps. I was so excited. I decided my personal guardian angel was helping me look for things. As I was relating this to Lance later - he told me that he had found it and put it there! Well, whatever the outcome, I have my ring and my earring!

All of these minutes and moments and occurrances that are part of my life is my movie playing out. I don't know what the ending is going to be like. But for now... I am going on another week, another month without him. Till next week! Deb