Women Left Behind

Last Saturday, a group of 18 women with one thing in common came together for a morning of conversation. Their common denominator is that they are now alone, they have been left behind after their husband has passed.

This gathering evolved in my mind shortly after Bruce's funeral. It was during the visitation on that bitterly cold Thursday evening in February that I noticed all of the women who also knew what I was going through. They had come out on that cold evening to support me. They knew what I was and would be going through. Their eyes spoke volumes as brief condolences were spoken. I couldn't get them out of my mind. I felt embarrassed that I hadn't been as supportive of them during their loss as they were being to me. I hadn't even gone to many of their husband's visitations or funerals. Some, I hadn't even sent a card to! How awful I felt, yet here were these women. At least six that I could count came out to support me!

As I spoke to my good friend who also had lost her husband, she too said she had been thinking about forming a local group. And, when another friend, also a widow called and invited me for coffee because she had a book she had ordered for me - it became clear that the three of us would someday form a local group.

We began by just thinking and making a list of the women we each personally knew who was about our age (give or take 20 years) who were in our same LIFEBOAT. In the beginning the three of us decided we weren't a counseling group. We were going to be a SOCIAL group. We want to inject laughter and fun into our lives and offer support to women we know who are going through this chapter of their life as well.

It was a great success. As each lady introduced herself and how long it had been and other details were expressed. No matter if it had been 14 years or 11 weeks, we each knew a little about how our lives paralleled one another. There were tears and raw emotion at times, intermingled with laughter and more jokes. New friendships have already begun to form. Ideas for small and large group social outings are forming as is a newsletter and email with resources and ideas that will be shared.

We have all discovered that life is too short. Women are social beings. From the days of gathering berries somewhere on this planet to todays harried lifestyle, we need other women in our lives. No time is more critical than when we no longer have the man we loved present anymore. Having someone who understands because she has been through what you are going through is huge. Having someone who is willing to stop and listen, to give a hug, to show she cares is priceless. And most importantly, when one feels as if she is making a difference in someone else's life ~ the reciprocal gift is huge.

I want to thank all of the women who in my life have demonstrated how to be a widow. Many have supported me in countless ways in this grief-boat I am in. From my Aunt Grace, Jean F, Jo R, Dottie, Cathy C, Robin, Julie, June H to all of the countless un-named women know that I appreciate you more than any blog can say! Deb