Second Valentines Day

On the way home from work, I thought about tomorrow. I have been thinking about it all week. It has been there on the front burner and then the back burner of my mind. Slowly simmering. This month, I have consciously been wearing all of the jewelry that Bruce had gotten me over the years. One of the first nice necklaces I received was a gold heart with diamonds along one side. I do love it and enjoy wearing it particularly in February. He got the drift soon after the first jewelry gift to me - so from there on out for several years, I received some very nice pieces of jewelry. They aren't large diamonds but little gemstones! And... they fit my personality perfectly.

Today while at work, as I was taking my lunch break, a new co-worker friend stopped to visit with me. Sarah asked me how I was doing? I told her I thought I had finally gotten used to my new job and that I do feel part of the team now. blah, blah, blah. Then she asked me, "how are you doing otherwise?". In the three months that I have been working full-time, I have had little side conversations with some of these nurses. Some of them know 'my story'. Sarah is one of them. So, back to our conversation, I said..."well, it is an up and down process" then I got misty-eyed - she noticed and said just what I needed to hear the day before Valentines Day. She said, "Deb, you must have loved him so much!" I nodded, not wanting to cry or breakdown. I said, "I did - for 34 mostly wonderful years!" She then said, "you know, you are very lucky! ... and went on to say... "not all of us have had that." Then, I was struck with all of these memories of how he was such a character - how he was so to the point, said whatever, however in his manner of speaking. never really was he worried one little bit if he might offend someone! I don't know "her story" - not yet anyway, but one day soon I will as we do plan to go for lunch together. I showed her a few silly photos I carry in my purse. Sarah said, "he looks like he was such a good guy!" My heart did a flip with her comment. I thanked her for asking. I told her, it really means a lot to me when people ask, it shows they really care. I told her how just in the past few days, I have received e-mails, phone calls, and even a letter came yesterday - all of them mention, even after one year - how much EVERYONE misses him! My sister, Nancy sent me a card with a photo of Bruce and I from about 1987! It is taken out in front of a farm house we rented when we first moved to WI. WE are standing on our front porch and I have my arms wrapped tightly around his waist, I am wearing a red top, he is in blue, we both are smiling, he has this silly grin on his face, and I am exuding love - even while wearing these very large framed glasses that cover half of my face!

Another dear friend of ours wrote:

I can't tell you how often I think of him and of you. I can't talk or think about him that I don't tear up!

Tonight,on my way home from Red Wing after I started to think about Valentines Day - everything that was RED began to POP-OUT at me. The car in front of me, the red barns and buildings on the dirty/winter landscape..tail-lights in my rearview mirror, a real-estate sign - Red is my favorite color. I love to wear red.


LOVE IS being asked to go to a movie or out to eat by one of my children.
LOVE IS watching Abby in the kitchen whip up something to eat.
LOVE IS having any conversation about current events or just stuff with the kids.
LOVE IS Ty saying to me "hows my mama?" and giving me his little hug or rubbing my neck as I am out in the kitchen.
LOVE IS being able to console my new granddaughter when she become frightened.
LOVE IS getting her to laugh out loud, smell her babyfresh head and hold her tight.
LOVE IS caring for 'my other main man - Matt' He is like one of my own kids!
LOVE IS LUANN - Bruce's sister. The way she looks over the top of her glasses and grins! Her laugh, her high fives, her wet kisses!
LOVE IS getting a call and/or spending moements with my siblings and their families.
LOVE IS hearing my dad's voice on the other end of the phone.
LOVE IS hearing my mom's voice, and her little ticklish cough she gets when we gab too long.
LOVE IS playing games with the family.
LOVE is watching my children with their significant others be so happy.
LOVE IS all of the wonderful extended family and friends that keep demonstrating day in and day out how important they are in my life.
LOVE IS remembering my life with the man I loved! All parts of it.

What does your LOVE IS list look like? Tell that someone you care so much for - that you love them more today than you did yesterday and that you will love them more tomorrow than today.

In the end, I had 50 days with Bruce to tell him exactly that sentence above. I wasted time prior to the end. We both did. I don't believe in spending every moment of every waking day with the one I love. But, I could have done better. He could have done better - but, we didn't.
Lesson over for today.

And ... EAT SOMETHING SWEET tomorrow ......
WITH LOVE, DEB