One month and counting

Why is it that we count and remember dates and numbers? Placing so much significance on a symbol used for counting seems silly. But yes, I am doing just that. It was one month ago tonight that Bruce left my arms and now is with our eternal saviour. I even came up with why he died on 2/3/2007... The two of us had three children, and 7-2 = 5 of us all together. Why I do that is beyond me. I guess it is about making sense in my head for what is happening in my heart.
Tonight the OUI VINTAGERs are coming over. The two couples and then me will celebrate Bruce's life with a French Pinot Noir that they gave me at the funeral. I really should be getting ready for them to arrive. But, then again, that doesn't take long. No one is using the bathroom but me these days. I am not interrupted by anyone anymore. The downstairs could be vacumned, but will they notice? Everything takes on a new meaning when your spouse dies. It will be fun and I know we will laugh. It will be my first "5th Wheel" experience. I am game to try it. Why not?
I have been thinking that I am not really mourning as much as I should be. I do miss Bruce, I do cry and I do feel alone. But, my core being is a very optimistic person. I don't think Bruce would want me to be sad for long. Especially if he is having a good time and I believe he is. I need to think about myself and what I want. I don't know what that is exactly. But I am going to be pondering that. Someone asked me if I was going back to college. I have decided not to at this time. Perhaps, I will change my mind. It doesn't hold the same significance. My number one cheerleader and supporter and studyguide is no longer here. I never have stopped learning, but it did put me on a more charted course when I was taking classes. Oh well, so what, I can wait a few more years and go back to college free. Maybe I will do that.
Well, this rambling has got to stop. Company is a coming, the minutes are ticking and I have got to stop stalling. Happy Saturday, Happy 1st Month anniversary, Bruce is no longer struggling for each and every breath, he is FREE! Loving him always and forever. xxoxoxoo Deb