A wish has come true

Finally, it was here. A day that I had been waiting to happen for years. Saturday morning, I woke and dragged myself out to the kitchen to make my one cup of instant coffee, put my one piece of toast in the toaster, and pour my one cup of orange juice. That is when the discovery took place. I looked around and saw this perfectly clean kitchen. The counters were clean, the sink was empty, everything was in it's place. The floor was swept. It could have been a photo moment it was that perfect. It was that moment that I knew that one of my wishes had come true. In my quiet whispered self talk voice, I said to myself, "Well Deb, it has arrived! You are now at the moment you have wished for over and over.

As a mom of three young kids, it seemed that I spent hours cleaning, picking up and putting away - sometimes it felt like all day. The house would be all neat and clean for about 30 minutes. Then, they would come in the door and plop down their stuff, take off their shoes, get something to eat, put their dishes in the sink or on the counter. This is called the messes of life! When raising children one grows semi-used to these messes. But, in the back of my mind, I would say to myself, "I CAN'T wait for the day when everything is always picked up, always put away, always cleaned and neat." So it was; that yesterday morning my "can't wait" day had arrived.

Even though our children are young adults. Our home is still their home. Mail arrives for two of our three children still. It is Abby's base while in medical school. Her stuff resides in her bedroom still. Lance shuffles in once or twice a week to pick up mail, read the sports page and scavange through the refrigerator. Therefore, up until just recently - messes remained a part of my life. Bruce was rather neat. He had his piles, but he got as angst about these common area messes as I did.

Now, ten weeks after Bruce's death - my single life is settling into the household as well. I guess that life is assuming some sort of normal widow appearance. The refrigerator is definitley bare. If Bruce could see it, he would be utterly shocked and go immediatly to the store and grocery shop. In fact, many times even when it was full of mostly leftovers, he could be heard saying, "There is nothing in this house to eat, I am going up to the store, what do you need?" He always had his own list of items he would add which included three different types of chips, the pepsi and squirt that he drank, cheddar cheese, sour cream, butter, peanut butter and some sort of cold meat. He always made sure there were 'baking supplies ' in the house, flour, sugar, chocolate chips, a brownie mix or two. Yes, he had his thoughts on his stomach most days. Of course, I loved the fact that he liked to shop, except that we usually had a stock pile of 6 bags of chocolate chips, doritos, refried beans, noodles, etc.. He many times would say when he got home with 6 bags of groceries, " I thought I would just pick up a few extra things, I didn't know if we needed them, but you know we will use them up." No wonder the kids stayed around so long, there was always a supply of "good" snacks to eat! How could you get mad at a guy who brought home bags of DOVE chocolates?

Since he died, I had been going to the store every week, but since Abby hasn't been home for a few weeks, I decided I could survive on what I had in the house. Since there have been a few duplicates purchased in the past sic months. Therefore, I have consumed the last bag of tostitos, bits and pieces too, all fresh fruit and vegetables have been devoured and I am working on the one dozen eggs. THere is a hunk of cheddar that is almost gone too. The shelves of the refrigerator can now be wiped off without even moving things!

Yes, I do remember that wish of a clean kitchen I used to have. Also, I remember thinking at the same time that I wouldn't want that to come too soon, because that would mean that all the kids had grown and it would be just Bruce and I around. Now, with Bruce gone, the day has arrived. I didn't cry over my reality. Instead, I used his butter on my toast, stirred the cup of instant coffee he always drank, went out on the driveway and picked up the paper and sat down to read my sections before getting dressed to go to work. Life continues. Age is upon me, but it isn't the end of my world. In six weeks the stork is delivering me a little package. A mess will soon be back in this kitchen of mine. Love to you all, Deb