What I miss most lately

Big Hugs...

My friends and family have been wonderful about giving me hugs. Not just guys but my sisters and female friends. I have felt warmed, wanted and soothed by all of them. But a few stand out. These hugs are a bit different. They are stronger, I feel more enveloped and they last just a little longer than a regular hug.

My boys are just fantastic at giving me hugs. Almost each time they see me, they wrap their arms around and hold me tight. I love it.

I met up with my WCF (west coast friend)back in Iowa last week. We hadn't seen one another since HIGH SCHOOL. As she walked up to my parent's home, I opened the door and we embraced. A long, heartfelt warm hug. It felt great!

I also saw an old friend of mine, when I was back home. I used to babysit for his children many years ago. He is a big guy, a farmer who still wears his suspenders! We hadn't seen one another since the week Bruce had died. He and his wife traveled up to see me on a very cold day to let me know just how important I was to them. These people are the best. Their entire family rallied behind me throughout my ordeal. (Their three children whom I cared for, continue to pop in and out of my emails. My practice children!) It was such a gift to see them again last weekend. When we saw one another at a local pub last week, his eyes sparkled, he stood up from his meal and wrapped me in his big arms. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven.

Touch is just so important. I think of Tom Hanks in his roll in the movie Cast-Away All alone on that island with his soccer ball. How he craves humans. I crave hugs. I am giving them out free whenever I meet and see someone. And I do have two new babies in my life that I can wrap in my own arms. But,I am now conscious of my hug giving. I don't want to turn-off anyone. I am NOT that desperate. Yet, I miss that from Bruce. His physical presence. The house echoes in his absence.

At a birthday bash party, I got a hug from a friend. He too, wrapped me in his arms, an held onto me. His wife has been through some cancer treatments. I wonder if he worries about her mortality in that strong hug. It felt good. It is like a really warm blanket right out of the drier that you wrap around yourself.

I did that for Bruce in the last weeks of his life. On the bitterly cold January days, I warmed up the fleece blanket I had made for him. I would pull it out of the dryer and tuck him in. Maybe tonight, I will have to put that blanket in the dryer and curl up in front of the television. Even though it is to get to 95 degrees today, I guess, I need a hug. Love, deb