Underneath it all

I have been looking at pictures from the last couple of years that are on my computer for some projects I am working on. I found some great photos I took of some poinsetta plants that Bruce had received as gifts while he was hospitalized. The photos I can't stop thinking about are the ones I took of the undersides of their leaves. You see, I had taken them to the kitchen sink for a watering, and the morning light was shining in our southern kitchen window. I remember thinking how pretty the sunlight was on the red varigated leaves and wanting to capture the sunlight streaming in the window. I took several of the plant sitting on my counter trying to get this idea just right and eventually found myself squatting and focused on the undersides of this plant seeing the sunlight as it diffused through these leaves, and wanting to capture it as well.

So, as I have been looking at photos it is these photos of the underneath sides that seem to keep coming into my mind's view. They are beautiful. The transparency of the leaves allows the sunlight to filter through. All parts of the leaves are then highlighted. So much more so, than just looking at them from on top! I can't help but ask myself why I am thinking about them. And, as it goes, this mind of mine begins to build on this concept that perhaps there is a real message or life lesson that is waiting for me to learn. This unique style of looking at one's life isn't strange to me, it somehow makes sense that I am focusing on what lies underneath the beauty of life. I am not thinking of Hell by no means, but instead the beauty of what we don't focus on in our daily lives is an ever present thought for me. And, perhaps it is because, I didn't see the real beauty in what was underneath it all but instead grumbled at some aspects of my life with Bruce.

There are many moments in our many years of marriage that would fit into a category of non-important, not-beautiful, and even half-annoying. I am thinking about our bedroom right now. And, just how much I miss changing our bedsheets every week! It was a routine that we had. You see, Bruce had VERY DRY SKIN. He had body dandruff - especially in the winter. No matter how much he lotioned and greased up, our bed was a dust-bowl especially if the sheets didn't get changed weekly. Having wood floors in our bedroom, it too became a haven for white dust, intertwined with my dark hair and lint. Each week it would get swept and dusted throughly. I even went so far as to take our bedding outside weekly to shake and air out the blankets and down comforter. Dragging these blankets through the house to the deck, I would grovel at this task. Yet, it was necessary to do. And, each week when we climbed into these fresh clean sheets, it was a night we always would comment on just how good our bed felt! Bruce would lovingly tease me that we needed to break them in! Yes, this bantor between husband and wife happens in all households, don't let anyone tell you it doesn't. So....the rest of the story can be left to your imagination...and then that too is reality in all couples lives.


Yes, this weekly changing of the sheets in the Tokheim master bedroom was something we did together. On whatever day I was home and while Bruce was showering and getting ready for work, I would pull off the old sheets, have shaken and reversed the feather bed and would have shaken the blankets outside and have everything ready to be put on by the time he was ready for work. Then, with him on his side of the bed, and me on my side, we made the bed together. He got so good a square-corners! I miss him helping me make the bed. I miss his bantor, I miss him in bed, yes - I miss him still.

I even miss the dust, the weekly routine of changing sheets. I sleep in 1/4 of our bed. I am finding myself migrating very slightly toward the center, but on most mornings, his half of the bed is still perfect. Now my changing of sheets is down to monthly. Yes, I could do it more often, but it isn't nearly as fun. Yet, I didn't think it was fun then. And, that is what I am talking about. The tasks, the moments that didn't seem quite perfect when he was alive seem to be an important lesson for me now. That is what I believe is underneath it all.

In watching this little baby lately, and changing numerous diapers, I can't help but love ALL of her! She has the cutest little buns! Even when they are all messed with baby-pooh! Even when she spits all over everything, including Grandma - she is precious. There are still dust-bunnies underneath my bed, there is less, but it is still there along with a pack-n-play crib.

I believe that the poinsetta photo I took while Bruce was lingering alive downstairs underneath me demonstrated that light shines through into all aspects of my life. It has given me a clearer picture of how things were and are. And how God is continually working in my life to lighten my load, light my path and demonstrate the beauty in even the mundane parts of my life. Although it might not seem to be transparent, our lives mirror just a leaf. There are two sides to looking at everything. This is what I am being reminded of today.

Have a beautiful day. Deb