Wishes, Regrets, Music & 35 Years

There are some songs that just bring back a flood of memories and moments. Last night while caring for Matt, one of those moments happened. As Ronnie Milsap sang "Let's take the lonnnng way a-round the world" ...right away - I could hear Bruce singing that song! We had a Ronnie Milsap audio tape that we would play in our car when the kids were little. Bruce loved to sing along, his voice and Ronnie's were much the same. As I listened to the words, I was transported back a few years to our many car rides when that tape would play. I grabbed onto Matt's counter, steadied myself as I felt my heart twirl and a tear form, then I smiled and grabbed a pen to write down the phrases. "...Sharing each other as we go, Let's take the lonnnng way around the world, and let's take it real slow ...cuz,when it is all said and done, all we have is love!"

That is and was so true.

It dawned on me, that this year - 2008, in August we would have been married 35 years! I have been wanting to have an excuse to have a backyard party this summer and am toying with the idea of how to pull it off. Now it seems I have a good excuse, and with that come more reasons to do fun things and to celebrate my life! In fact, I am developing a list of 35 things I want to do before the end of this year! If on December 31, I have to take a pen and paper and sit down before midnight to remember 35 things.... well that is what I will do. (Because, I know I have probably already done that many fun things so far!) Getting together with family and friends will head that list. Maybe one massage will also be on the list! If you really know me, you understand the creative spirit that resides inside this head!
I WILL think of things to do, have no fear!

I have been thinking a lot lately about chapters of our lives that we have found ourselves in. As I have adjusted to being alone, a particular regret keeps popping into my thoughts. This regret is one that I would discuss during conversations with others about how Bruce and I met,our history. It was that I never had the opportunity to live by myself in my own apartment, to have my own car, etc. From high school, to nursing school, to being married - I was never alone. So, in conversations in the past 35 years, there were times, when I would say that there was a certain regret that I had. I felt that maybe I had missed out on some part of life! Learning to be more independent perhaps, learning to make decisions on my own, learning how to deal with plumbers, car salesman, getting a quote for work, whatever the need might be, I felt I had missed an opportunity. If Bruce was nearby during these conversations, he would become a little irritated with me. He felt I was saying in unspoken words that I didn't want to get married when we did. And of course, I wouldn't have changed a thing. So, now my regret and my wish is coming to fruition. I am alone, I am learning the ropes of making decisions on my own. So now, I regret the regret and wish life were different now. But - that isn't the plan for my life!
So,instead - I am marking this as a moving on moment. Thank you God!

Letting go of regrets, little mistakes and big mistakes is important to one's mental health. Somehow, that too has been a reoccurring thought in my head

I have been working very hard to get the swimming pool opened. The odds haven't been in my favor! Cold, rain, and wind have added extra problems. On Wednesday of this week, it was looking almost perfect. So, by myself, I pulled the solar cover on for the first time. Realize that this is a two person job, but can be done by one person. Think about pulling a big blanket up over a pool by yourself! I had decided it was time to begin to turn off the pump at night - and then every morning I would turn it back on, back-wash the sand filter and then go off to work. So, on Thursday morning, I went out to turn on the pump and backwash. I thought I had turned it back to circulate - I left for work. At 5:15pm, my cell phone rings - it is Lance. "mom, were you intending on draining the pool?"...

NO!!

I screamed into the phone.
Frustrated,irritated and upset at the senseless draining of the pool, I tried to rethink my steps of where I had gone wrong that morning. I wanted to take my anger out on someone or something - Bruce, Lance, myself.... When I got home and saw the half empty pool, well... it just didn't seem like that big of a deal. I will just try to make sure it doesn't happen again.

When it is all said and done, all we have is LOVE!

Deb