We, Our and Us to Me, My and I

I have found myself beginning to get comfortable to the Me, my and I words lately. I still don't like it - the thought of being alone, by myself and that this life of mine is now considered no longer married, but widowed. Words have always been significant to me. I attach a lot of meaning to plain old words that just are the way in which we communicate with one another. I am trying to think of a good example and perhaps I will before I get to the end of this narrative. But for now, trust me -and that would have been something Bruce would have said as well!

Writing is helping me with this little problem. I find myself backspacing. Erasing the We will to I will. I don't do it easily. Each backspace is a painful experience. It is a reminder of where I am; and where we are no longer. A reminder of what I no longer have and still want but can't get! I felt like I am betraying Bruce to not use the plural forms of these pronouns! Well, it is just seeming right in describing some things now in the present tense instead of the past tense. Although I want to be in the past tense..Does this make sense to anyone but me?

I can see that The WAY WE WERE to THE WAY I AM NOW is becoming a journey. Each part of the process is a step on the grief ladder. I do plan to get to the top one day and take a gander at how far I have climbed. But for now, I am just taking little baby steps. With each step, I find myself realizing what I am doing. And that is why this blog and what I write is so important to me. It is a journey from WE were to I am. The best part about this journey is I have the ability to remember all of the fantastic we moments, the our times together and when our family did things together as ALL OF US! Nothing can take away those memories except perhaps a brain disease and God help me if that should happen to me. I must get back to SUDUKO's..by the way.

Yesterday I was writing phrases down. Words that are important to me now. gone, without, married, merried, widow, grief, etc... As all of these words filtered onto my paper, I finally wrote, what's good about grief? As I wrote that, into my head popped Charlie Brown's say, GOOD GRIEF! and with that, a smile appeared. I had to quickly go google Good Grief to find out the origin. Reading that Good Golly, Good Grief probably originated to replace the BIG G word - GOD. You see, Wendy -our/my daughter-in-law and soon to be the mommy of our/my first grandchild is a SNOOPY fan! So much so, that the nursey is all done in SNOOPY and Charlie Brown theme. The irony in this GOOD GRIEF helps me to see the what's good about grief! And now I am going to have to do something to get that phrase in the baby's room! Maybe on the corner of a little quilt! Not sure exactly where, but it will be part of our/my new future.
So here's to all of the Me's out there that were WE's at one time. May your day be a good grief day! Fondly, Deb

ps as you can see, sometimes the our's just have to be included