Words of Comfort

Last evening when I got home and opened the mail, there was a card and a letter from two men who knew Bruce. The first card was a business associate in the insurance business. In his own writing, he had selected a card and then I could tell he had written something that reflected what the card's verse was also trying to say. I was very impressed. The second was a letter from the local bank we have banked at for years. From the head guy; (not sure what his title is) It was a one page type written letter. He talked about how he first met us and his first memories of Bruce. How he helped Bruce to purchase the agency. Their banter about WI/IA sports, and most importantly, his feelings about Bruce. He shared his last conversation with Bruce and how important he felt Bruce was to himself and to our community.
I know that many times Bruce would come home and tell me about someone who had impacted him who might have died. He too cared, but I am not sure how often he took the time to get a card, write on it and send it. With some clearer hindsight, I perhaps could have influenced him by - encouraging him to write his feelings. Or go purchase the card for him. And on some occassions that did occur. Because, in the end that memory of the impact of someone is important to the ones who are left behind.
For women, I think it is easier to display emotion, write down our feelings and share them with others. For some women like myself, I have learned over time that it is the best way for me to deal with ME.. the turmoils that rage inside of me just have to get out. And, I have found that over the years - I just gotta let them spill. Sharing my frustrations, mishaps, and how I felt about others with someone else became my way. My feeling is that I need to tell that person NOW before it is too late how important they are to me.
Well anyway...I guess where I am going with this - is that I am going to impress on my own kids, just how important it is to tell that associate, that client, that friend, or their significant other just what it is about them that they like. Nothing makes one feel better than to hear good things about themselves or the ones we love.
Growing up in a family of 5 children, smack dab in the middle with a brother and sister both older and younger - I did fight and claw my way through my childhood. I believe the term was 'hard veryhard at teaching us to work hard, have fun and respect others. They were very worried that they may spoil us. So because of that, the compliments were few - lest we would develop a 'big-head'. Along with this style of upbringing, where we were raised and the people we each met along our way, we have all become talkers and or writers in my case, trying to get that attention from someone who just might listen to us. All of my siblings have become very successful people.
No matter what has happened in our pasts, it is today that matters. My new mantra is all about "paying it forward" to someone else. On becoming a Widow, my view of the world has shifted. I am seeing life through another window, the widow's view. Paying a compliment and sharing a story of personal impact is a big key in helping someone else heal through a life tragedy. Who do you know who needs to hear positive words of influence today. Take the time today and just do it.deb