Blessings

This past weekend I drove to Iowa..a 200 mile one-way roadtrip to my home town, my roots and to my family. I had a niece having a high school graduation party on Saturday. Bruce's sister, Luannn lives in a group home in Iowa. It is right on my way. She has been so lonely for family. She has been trying to grieve her brother's loss in her own way. You see, she is a 50 year old with a 10 year old mind. I had decided I would stop and pick her up and take her with me for an "overnight". When I told her about my idea, she said -"Oh GOODY!"

I had to mentally work myself up for this task. She isn't difficult to care for, she just needs help doing things. I wasn't sure I was up for this on my first trip back, being with family and all. The emotional rollercoaster that I find myself on throws me to and fro. So, I put a 24 hour limit on my time with her. Even if this meant I needed to take her back myself - a 90 mile one way roadtrip. I was planning on staying down in Iowa through Monday evening to help my parents do some outside garden work. This is our annual Mother's Day gift from the siblings. We all purchase the flowers and then my sister, Nancy and I spend the day with my parents...helping them get their beautiful earthhome and park-like yard ready for summer.

The blessings that Luann has brought into our family over the years has been immeasureable. This special child of God has illluminated many pathways in my walk through life and in my children's own lives. They love their Aunt Lu! And she loves them too. She calls weekly, every Wednesday at 4PM to be exact!. She will repeat her calling until someone answers. Many times there will be 6-8 calls on my phone from her. In her monotone phone voice, she says, "This is Aunt Luann, please call back!" When we do finally get to talk, our conversations go like this; "Hi Deb, how are you?" I say, "I'm fine!" -- she says, "THAT's GOOD!"... then she asks, "How's TY?", I say, "He's fine!" -- she says, "THAT'S GOOD!"... etc, etc. for all of the family. She has always like the boys better than she has liked Abby. She doesn't seem to take critique from Abby, like she can take it from the boys. I think it is just a girl thing! We would have her up to our home almost monthly for years. She would ride the Greyhound Bus up from Clear Lake, IA. We have many stories of our adventures in picking her up, missing the bus, chasing the bus. etc. All of these visits were done so that LuAnn could spend time with her mom who lived in the nursing home in River Falls for ten years. Over the years, the kids have taught her to high 5, do thumbs up, and whatever kids cool moves are in. She remembers everyone's birthday. And, on those special days, she calls and sings the entire rendition of Happy Birthday over the phone. She has a contagious laugh. It isn't just like Bruce's..but it sounds so familiar! Her mother did a fabululous job of teaching her to be sociable. She will walk right up to people-strangers, put out her hand and initiate a 'Hello, my name is LuAnn, what's yours?" Watching the endearing interaction between my family and LuAnn helped me get through this difficult weekend without Bruce. Yet... I was ready to take her back on Sunday after church.

Timem was spent with family- my entire family- all five siblings were home, as were many of the neices and nephews to celebrate Alex's graduation. My brother, Craig who lost his wife ten years ago at the age of 45 has three adorable grandchildren. I got to spend some time with them as well as my neices and nephews. All of them made an effort to get up to see Bruce in the last weeks that he was alive. That was so wonderful and so very special me, the kids and Bruce. What a fantastic family I have. What a blessing they all are. Katey, my neice who was 17 years old when her own mom died, was especially sensitive to me this past weekend. It felt good to spend time visiting and hanging out. Yes, I was sad. They were sad too. She said, "Aunt Debbie, we were talking about how much we miss Bruce's laughter." The hole he has left in our extended family is huge.

Spending time with my 82-year old parents is very important to me. I hadn't seen them since the funeral. Staying with them, helping them get their yard all ready for summer felt really good. I thank God for all of the prescious moments I have had with them over the years. I know at times as a child growing up in this farm family, I didn't always act nice, show my appreciation or understand all of their reasoning behind why we all had to work so hard. Dad still can "crack the whip". He had a task he wanted my sister, Nancy and I to do. We had to trim the hedge that grows over the front of their earth home. Much like cutting bangs, but with a hedge clipper held at arm's length above our heads, standing in the back of a pickup - these two 50-something daughters diligently did what their father had asked them to do! Yet, at the end of the day, with juniper clippings in my hair, and dirt in my shoes, aching muscles and tired bones - I felt blessed.

As I got in the car to head home that evening, the sky to the west was full of billowing clouds, dark to light. Large holes through the clouds let the sunshine filter through. Fan-like beams of sunlight fell on the neatly plowed fields of black earth. The fresh new green leaves on the trees, the grass in the pastures and all of this farmland was a perfect scene for me to view out of my sanctuary. Four hours of time to reflect on my life, as it is now, and my life with Bruce. Tears filled my eyes at times as memories filed in and out. The landscape and setting sun amoungst the clouds were perfect for my frame of mind.

The blessings that I feel in my heart are healing the hurts and the sad moments that I continue to have. I believe we are living our own story. A chapter in my book has ended. To me, it was my fairytale. It is in the retelling of these parts of my story that helps to reveal the meanings of my life. I don't know where I am going, what I will be doing or how I will be feeling, but for now - I know that I have been blessed and am continually being blessed. God is with me on my journey. Blessings to you and yours. Deb