The Supporting Cast

Each one of you are very important to me!
Don't ever think you aren't. When all else fails and you don't know what to say - ask with empathy and feeling in your voice; "HOW are YOU?"...these three little words are ones that I have heard often over and over again, and at times, I am not sure how to respond, because truthfully..I don't know how I am...overall...and it changes minute to minute. But what I do know is this!

YOUR CARING about me and my family means more than those three words. That you had the nerve to ask, that you have written me an email, left a message on my phone, sent a card, given me a hug when you saw me out and about! Those moments are priceless to a friend and family member.

I didn't really know how many wonderful friends we had until this all happened. I took you all for granted. I took for granted the kids friends, they weren't my friends. Don't get me wrong, I do care about them, but now I care even more. When Lance's friend - Bill stops what he is doing at work when he sees me come into the store.He gives me a hug in front of all of the customers; That is priceless. When David, another friend of Lance stops by unexpectedly at 9pm, comes in and sits down to visit and eventually asks the big question, "how are you?"...that is priceless. When I recieve an email or a card from Abby's friends - it touches my heart.

More priceless moments;
To get a call from my brothers and sisters on a regular basis because they are checking in with me - my dear dear parents call weekly or more often to check in on their middle child. To be stopped in the hallway by friends at the highschool awards night to be hugged and told I am in their thoughts and prayers leaves me speechless.
Weekly I receive a card from someone that I know. I have friends in all parts of the United States. I had almost forgotten about all of them, during the year, except for Christmas and maybe their birthdays. To get a card 'just because' they are thinking of me, says so much more!

For people in this day and age to take the TIME out of their busy 24 hours to sit down, write their thoughts and send something in the mail - to me...well I am impressed beyond measure!

This week, I attended an all day training in Roseville, MN. This class is required in able for nurses to care for patients in their homes on ventillators. There were women (nurses) I didn't know there. At the break, we were talking with one another and I overheard one say she was from River Falls. So I asked her name, seeing if we might know one another or have a connection. She asked my name. I told her and she immediately got this stunned and eye opening look on her face. She said, "Tokheim...Bruce Tokheim...you wouldn't happen to know him would you?" When I said, yes, he was my husband, she immediately went into five minutes of extending her sympathies and telling me how her church had been praying for our family. And, even at their weekly bible study we are being prayed for! There is a connection I found out later. Her daughter dates one of Ty's best friends! Yet...again I was amazed at the amount of raw and honest empathy this lady whom I don't know extended to me.

I just am awakening to the idea that we have the power to touch one another in such significant ways. Many days, we just go through insignificant motions, thinking about ourselves and what is right in front of us. Little time is spent thinking about our brothers and sisters, our neighbors, our friends or the people we don't know. Yes, we tear up watching Extreme Makeover or get excited when Jordan and Blake are up for the American Idol. But...it takes energy on our part to sit down, write a personal note or email someone we haven't heard from lately. Someone who just might have a brighter day because they heard from you.

My friend, Deb who lives in Kansas City sent me a note last week. I received it on Friday. In the beginning of that week, I had thought about her. Her father-in-law had been ill and in fact was working on dying for the past few months. I had a strong inner feeling that perhaps he had died. I finally got around last Thurday to email her. Sure enough..he had died. Our mail to one another crossed in the moments between Kansas City and River Falls. Her card with the simple phrase, "Deb, you are in my thoughts everyday!" says it all.

I am going to work on listening to that inner person. That little voice inside of me that says..'contact Deb, call Connie, what are Geoff and Marcia doing tonight, send Jason and Lisa a note to congratulate them on their expected arrival!, ask Harley to eat supper with us'etc... ... and here is the punch line to you. Why not do the same? Take time out of your day to ask someone you care about...'how are you?' even though the words seem trite, who cares, you asked the question! Without one another, we would be like Tom Hanks in CASTAWAY...talking to a soccer ball with a painted face on it. WE are so lucky to live in a world that has numerous ways to communicate. People really do care. I care. I thank you all.

One last thing; in Bruce's nightstand was his Grandmother Josephine VanOsdoll's Bible. Don't ask me why it was there, other than..where else would we put this old fragile relic. So amoungst his hankerchiefs sat this bible for simply years. I took it downstairs the other night and opened up this treasure chest. Little pieces of paper were tucked inside of it. Like a little scrapbook, it told the story of this lady I barely knew. She was born in 1882, the first white child born in Badger, IA. Married in 1910. She died in 1972, right after Bruce and I started to date-we went to her funeral. She ran a daycare in Ft Dodge, IA. She bore three children, Bruce's mom was her middle child. Reading through the things she held most dear, things she took the time to cut out, underline, and keep tells much about her character and her life. I liked her style because I am a keeper too. Maybe one day, one of my grandchildren or someone...will sift through some of my stuff and admire what made me me...she took the time to share something with someone else, even though she has been gone for years, she became a teacher and I her student in those moments I spent flipping through the pages.

We never know the impact we will have on another human being. This life lesson has hit me like a boulder. Thank you everyone. I care about you too. And, soon I will have both feet back underneath me again...reciprocating in full measure. Love, Deb