Decisions

Today as I was writing a friend who lives in Virginia, I made the statement to her and will be bold enough to write it here, that I want to take two trips this fall. I want to visit both coasts! It isn't so important that I see the oceans. I want to see the friends and family who live on both coasts. And, more importantly... is that I am thinking again about my future plans.

You see, Bruce and I had just begun to make big plans for this fall-last fall. Our original plan was to take a fun trip to EUROPE with my sister and her husband. I can say they were and are one of our best couple-friends that we have/had. We have many couples that are in that same category. With Nancy and Steve, though...being family...and a few trips already under our belts together, we were really looking forward to this Fall. We had met in New Ulm, MN during their Octoberfest to begin to make plans. We were going to create our version of EUROPEAN VACATION...it would have been grand, full of laughs, circumstances and memories. Our last big trip together was to NEW YORK City. It was a blast. Bruce serenaded us one evening singing on the streets of New York, "If I were a Rich Man" on our way back to our hotel after a very delicious meal at Steve's favorite restaurant. We went out to Ellis Island which left a huge impression on all of us. We spent time talking about our ancestors. Anyway...lots of fun memories are swirling as I remember the fun times with this couple. After Bruce died, my sister, Nanc said to me, "Deb, I want for you and I to still go to Europe together this Fall". Since, her husband has recently taken on a new position with his company, it made sense for just her and I to go alone. I understand what she was trying to do, and I so appreciate it, but it is too soon. I know now that it is too early to do that. I am not ready to move that quickly into my new life. But,if I believe I can travel to both coasts...to stay with family and friends by myself...then maybe I will be ready to become more adventurous in the upcoming years.

Locally, not a day goes by that I don't hear from a close friend or one of my family who is checking in on me. I have been richly blessed! Not only did I have a 'regular life'...husband that loved me and I loved him, three healthy kids that grew up and became young adults with little trouble to us. And, much of our life, we did what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it with what we had. We also have had supportive family and friends. Today, I am thinking about my friends that live far away. Four in particular who have been constantly by me, walking beside me these past six months. Keeping in touch with me via email, sending me notes once in a while in the mail and calling me. Chris lives in California, Jackee lives in Virginia and Christy and Deb live in the midwest! These four strong women have had their own trials and tribulations.There is something about each one of them that is endearing and solid.

Chris and I were high-school cheerleaders together! I haven't seen her since high-school! Yes, that was a long time ago. Last summer,I saw her mother and asked for her email address. Little did I know at the time... that my contact with her would lead to our renewed friendship and it's impact on both of us. After she had heard about Bruce's illness, she called me and long phone conversations ensued. These talks have been so good for me. It feels like the good old days. Next week, she is coming back to Iowa, and I am I going too. She has already invited me out to her home in California. She doesn't know it yet, but I do plan to come. Maybe we can figure out a date and time when we are together next week.

Deb and I met in nursing school. Her dorm room was right across the hall from mine. We instantly connected then. We have stayed in touch throughout the years. Our friendship has never changed, not matter how much time is in between contact with one another. We just always pickup where we last left off. Christy and I met as young new moms. We were having babies on alternate years. We also worked together in a small community hospital. We made an awesome team. Two RN's at night alone...what she didn't think of, I might have. Everyone was in good hands when we worked together.

Jackee is my east coast friend. We may be the least alike. But, it is the opposites attract law that draws us even closer. We admire one another's strengths and we try to learn from one another to build up our weaknesses. She has been my biblical counselor. Many days and evenings we've spent sharing our faith steps with one another. We challenge one another to grow in areas that are weak for us.

These four women and I have something in common. That is our FAITH. Each of these believers have been desciples in my life. Leading, guiding, supporting and picking me up when I crumble. I can't thank them enough. I believe that the plans of my life have been laid out prior to my first breath. A greater presence had made sure that I will not be alone, not here on Earth. No matter where I go, someone will be there that cares. I know that Bruce's spirit watches over me, he is smiling knowing that I am carrying on. He is happy that I am making decisions. Today is a good day.

Every step I take..either forward or backward is necessary. I accept the fact that I am just me, waivering at times, slipping at times and moving forward at times. So...heres to onward and upward.
Deb