Mom's; Rocks of All Ages

Tommorrow has been in my thoughts. That day we celebrate our Mothers. I have been stewing about how I am going to keep my heart in check when I am with the kids tomorrow. I don't want to be a blubbering baby all day. I don't want to cry. Maybe if I can get this out on paper, I will convince my head that my heart isn't in charge. You see, I have always led with my heart. I wish I weren't that way. I wish I had more head control when it comes to all aspects of my life. Being the "MIDDLE ONE" of 5 siblings...somehow I got socked with the emotional stuff. Most days I don't mind, being labeled the "EMOTIONAL ONE". But, tomorrow is important. I want us to have a good day. Not a sad day, but a happy day.

This GRIEF stuff has given me a few more insights into Life and Death and Being. My appreciation of life has increased exponentially. And, I am learning to view death as not all bad as well. That is contrary to any thought I have ever had about death before. Maybe I will save that for another blog, but for now it will be some food for more thoughts. BEING is where I am today. A GOOD MOM all of these years, is one of my BEINGS. I modeled my mothering after the mothering I received from my own mom. How blessed I and my siblings were to have the mom we had!

Mary Jean, my mom, had 5 children in 10 years. She was a very busy farm wife, housewife and a mom to boot. She had and still has fantastic multitasker skills. My dad was a foreman, o.k. boss! He bossed all of us around. Telling us what we needed to do and when. We all did what he said. Yes, I was a bit scared of him. He had a certain look. When he looked at you that way, you knew you had better not cross him further. My parents rarely argued. They instead teased and played around with one another. We were exposed to a healthy loving relationship. I believe that is why, all five of us siblings have all been married to the same partner forever, almost! We all worked side by side on the farm. We all had certain jobs to do. Mom is a fabulous cook. She could whip up a great meal in no time flat. We all learned to cook with her. She let us be in her kitchen, mixing and stirring as little ones. And later on, allowing us to experiment and soon fixing meals was just part of what we did at home. She has a great sense of humor, a thumb that never stops moving in circles and can spot a dirty window from quite a distance. She has a very layed back attitude. Doesn't get that excited about parenting things, therefore, neither did I. She has sons that adore her and her daughters admire her as a strong yet feminine woman. I am so proud to call her mom and so blessed to have had her all of these years. She gave me life on her own birthday. What a gift! She is a rock in our family!

My daughter-in-law is soon to be a new mommy. We have known Wendy since she was 19 years old. So, for 11 years, we have grown to know one another. We get along very well. She is a hard worker, thoughtful, and a perfectionist in everything she does. She is like a litte pixie! Her childlike fun personality is contagious when you are around her. Bruce called her Wendolyn. This endearment won her heart over. She and Bruce were very close. She is a great soulmate to our oldest son. I know that she will be the perfect mommy. As the few weeks left of her pregnancy pass by, I want to help her in the smallest of ways to make this time extra special for her. I have a few things up my sleeve. She too, is a rock!

As the only parent left to my adult children, I am viewing a new label for myself. That being, 'the ROCK', although my soft interior may sometimes get in the way, I want to believe it to look more like the beautiful GEODE I received from one of Bruce's bowling buddies. Pete is a rock collector. When Bruce died,I boldly asked him if I could purchase one of his rocks. Once a year in the spring, I would listen to Pete's stories at we drove together to the annual bowling banguet. When Bruce died,it seemed like something that would bring me comfort - ie; Bruce's connection to his bowling team via this rock. Pete loved that I asked him for one of his rocks. He brought it to me in a gift bag after the funeral. He handled it like it was a newborn and he proudly unwrapped it, seperated it and describe it to me. It was very solid and round. The color is grayblack and pocky on the outside. It has been perfectly cut into to halves. The inside has been polished and the center is a hollow beautiful core. The crystal core sparkles a soft lavendar. I have it displayed in the house. I love to look at it.

Yes, this is the thought I am going to hold in my heart and head tomorrow and always. As I spend the day with my children, I am going to act like a rock. Hard and solid on the outside! And deep inside, at my very core - beautiful moments will sparkle as I relish being a MOM to three beautiful children. And, if a few of those moments spill out in a sparkling teardrop, so be it! Happy Mothers Day! Love, Deb